Monday, April 20, 2009

My 1st Vent

Well I thought I would post a bit to you all. Some of you well all of you but my close family are in the dark. There have been issues in my life lately and they are really tearing me down. Where to start?

On Valentines day this year DH asked me to marry him again we never had our wedding and he "PROMISED" we could have it well it didnt even last a month and that idea is down the drain... Basically I got a ring that dont mean shit. I give up on that anymore. He also has to get his eyes checked for Glaucoma he is being a HUGE baby about it and saying he just isnt going to go. UGH!! his appointment is May 1.

I will go with DD next since hers isnt as complex: Tuesday I got to take her to the Ear Nose & Throat doctor to see if she needs her tonsils out. She has had strep and tonsilitis alot latley. If she does need them out its gonna kill me, I am already so scared for it, yea I know tonsils are not a big deal, it is to me because still even though she is 10 and dosent scream or anything from a shot I still almost cry. Sometimes I am way too emotional and I dont really give a shit.

Now with DS: this child of mine does have a slight learning disabilty and is in special education for some of his subjects in school but for the past 2 years he has been 'bad' stealing and then lying about it, mean attitude, he has hit me, taking food of all kinds in to his room and eating it, I mean like whole bags of chocolate chips, bags of marshmallows, cans upon cans of soda, cookies, my cell phone, my lap top, he has even taken vitamins and eaten them, allergy medicine they were chewable and he took those, basically anything and everything he can get his hands on. Its sad I have to keep my refrigerators locked actually double locked my freezer locked and all the cabinets are secured with locks as well its such a pain in the ass anymore... I am finally at my end I cant take it anymore I just want to curl up and hide. When I yell at him or tell him to not do things he tells me he wants to die or he wants to shoot himself and he loves to dig his fingernails into his forehead. He refuses to listen to anything anymore I just dont know what to do, I cry alot anymore and wander why and what I done to him... I mean its not like I am not home or I ignore him that is FAR FAR from it. I am getting him tested for ADHD Thursday, I looked it up and ALOT of the signs point to what he has, I am worried about this too, I called the shcool today and they are gonna test him as well next week so I will have their thoughts on the matter to present to the doctor. DH tells me to just calm down about things HA! its so easy for him to say that he dosent have to deal with all I do with the kids, plus the house and taking care of everyone and when I work its worse I am kind of glad its over for this year, it wasnt a good one for me. It was so weird I had to take orders and listen to a co worker who was hired AFTER me... Just dosent seem or feel right to me but that is the way it had to be, I am glad I got my desk all alone in my corner where I dont have to look at anyone... If I seem angry or testy or am just plainly a bitch or very quiet I am going though my own personal hell right now. Just think of me on Tuesday and Thursday when I am getting this stuff done. I havent been able to get a hold of a couple of people who always make me feel better, everyone is so busy right now.

Also I am having big issues with my weight there are 5 pounds that keep leaving and coming back when I am stressed I eat so, its becoming impossible to lose it, so I tend to get more upset and well it dont work. I hate being this way. I want to be thin again, but I feel like I just cant do it!

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